Several years ago when life seemed shockingly grim I saw a child laughing with utter delight. For a moment my tears turned to a smile and then to a rolling “gut chuckle.”
Her happiness became my way out from the darkness in my soul.
Later that day I sat in the tent that was pitched by the burned ruble that had been our home. Asleep in the bed beside me was my husband Bruce.
I did not know then but a week later he wold be diagnosed with a brain tumor. Nine months later he would die.
That night though, I thought about THOUGHTS. I could choose to see beauty and happiness or I could choose to see fear and doom.
I chose to see happiness and beauty.
It was an important choice that night. In the months to come it would be a life altering, soul saving choice.
Often it was a challenge to focus on beauty and joy in the following months. I had to make intentional and repeated decisions to seek light over darkness, beauty over fear.
I had a mantra during those months . . . “I will live this moment fully.”
I still say that mantra when the gentle mist of grief dampens my spirit. When I do, it seems my eyes clear and my mind reaches beyond the past to the present.
I see what is there in front of me, right now, and I am renewed.
I am deeply grateful I never gave up after the house fire and then the death of Bruce.
I am deeply grateful I did not give up after one of my sons, Robin, was killed in 2011.
I will always walk with a bit of an emotional limp, but I aso walk in a world of birth and beauty every day.
I have come to see that every morning brings an opportunity to create and share peace and share joy.
I have learned that every step of our lives are lit by the light within us, even in times of uncertainty.
Yes, there will be more losses and challenges in my life.
That is life, but I have learned to find a quiet space so I do not become the chaos.
There, in the silence of a quiet place, I listen.
I hear the wisdom of all who have gone before me, throughout the eons of time and across the world.
Their voices form a gentle breeze of peace blowing the fog of fear from me soul.
Bruce talked of all he was learning in those last days before he died.
“I want everyone to know they are not alone,” he said. “It perfect and beautiful. It is everything you could want.”
I could not see what he was seeing but I saw the joy and acceptance in his face. He truly was radiant.
I hear him in my silent place and I hear the thousands of other ancestors. Their collective wisdom remains for each of us.
Today as you walk through your life I hope you will join me in this wonderful moment we have been given.
I choose happiness and peace. Will you? I hope so.
Fondly,
Shaun
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